Art imitating life. Or death...whatever. This is "Crappy News" for Thursday, Spetember 13th, 2018.

Paradise Hills, CA- Police are searching for suspects who stole a spool of turf.

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Madonna Hanes had the 16-foot-long, 650-pound roll of turf stolen from her front yard in broad daylight.

Hanes' neighbors got video of the thieves snatching the spool and trying to stash it in the trunk of their car. Reminder...the spool was 16 FEET LONG. After struggling with the turf, the suspects got away by dragging it outside of the car.

Hanes called the cops to report the theft--the roll of turf is valued at around $900. Police are asking for help identifying the criminals or the suspect vehicle. [CBS 8 - San Diego]

St. Paul, MN- Health officials are looking for a woman who brought rabid bats to a local vet.

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The unknown woman came to the University of Minnesota Veterinary Medical Center last Thursday and dropped off two dead bats to be tested for rabies. The woman left before employees could get any information from her.

Tests confirmed that the bats DID have rabies, and the clinic is trying to determine if anyone came in contact with bats when they were alive.

If you're worried about rabies, the Minnesota Dept. of Health has posted a very helpful video about how to safely capture a bat. You know, just in case you actually WANT to touch one. [Minneapolis Star-Tribune]

Portland, OR- A murder mystery author was arrested...for murder.

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68-year-old Nancy Crampton Brophy was charged with killing her husband back in June. Brophy had previously written several books and essays about getting away with murder...including one called How To Murder Your Husband, describing five core motives and a number of murder weapons from which she would choose if her character were to kill a husband in a romance novel.

Crampton Brophy had also posted this on her author's page in 2011, which seems to have a much different meaning now: "We vowed, prior to saying ‘I do,’ that we would not end in divorce. We did not, I should note, rule out a tragic drive-by shooting or a suspicious accident.”

Murder? She LITERALLY wrote the book on it. [The Oregonian]

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