You actually gave it MORE attention by whining about it. Joke's on you. Here's 'Crappy News' for Wednesday, 11/15/17.

Port Huron, MI- A man caught himself on fire after looking for a gas leak last weekend.

The homeowner alertly noticed the smell of gas and became suspicious.


When he went to look for the source, he lit a match, which ignited the gas and caused flames to rush towards him. The victim sustained first-degree burns to his face and forearms, and the flames also singed his hair and eyebrows.

The fire department took about an hour and a half to put out the blaze. The homeowner was treated for his injuries at a nearby hospital.

Fire officials issued a reminder that the best thing to do if you suspect a gas leak is to call 911. [Times-Herald]

Nashville, TN- A woman called police to report a stolen car...while she was in it.


38-year-old Chance Mongeon stole a Dodge Challenger from a rental car parking lot earlier this summer. Mongeon and his girlfriend, 38-year-old Cristy Caldwell, were eluding police when she called 911 asking for reward money in exchange for turning him in.

The cops arrested Mongeon on a variety of charges back in August...but Caldwell was booked on Tuesday for harboring a fugitive and resisting arrest. No word on if the couple is still together, but I'd assume not. [Patch]

There HAS to be a better way to break up with somebody...right???

Farmington, UT- A parent is petitioning to change the name of a new high school.

Farmington High school will open next year, but has already picked out its team nickname...the Phoenix. Innocent enough, right? This guy disagrees.

Getty Images

Kyle Fraughton, whose kids are still in elementary school, thinks the name too closely resembles a certain male appendage.

Kyle and some of his neighbors were practicing cheering for the team when they realized "Phoenix" sounds vaguely like "penis." So, he did some research online and found that the plural of Phoenix is "Phoenices," with sounds even MORE like "penises."

In his petition, Fraughton states "I’m confident that the district does not want to bear the responsibility of our children being bullied as a result of our school mascot ... I have no interest in my daughter or my son playing sports and getting referred to as something like a penis." [Deseret News]

The only important thing to remember here is the fact that this guy was sitting in his basement literally looking up things he could eventually get offended by.

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