Cops Trying To Locate “Jorts-Wearing Bandit”
This is what happens when the real police become the fashion police. Here's 'Crappy News' for Thursday, August 17th.
St. Louis, MO- Police are trying to find a robbery suspect...by shaming him on social media.
The man has robbed three Walgreens stores in the area, and surveillance tapes show a white male with a mustache--and long, baggy jean shorts.
The police department took to Twitter to ask the public for help finding him...and to throw shade about his choice of attire: "This guy wears jorts and robs Walgreens stores. Contact us or the fashion police if you can identify."
The "jorts-wearing bandit" was at it again on Monday, and cops still haven't made an arrest. [ABC News]
Way to go, dude. You're making jean shorts look uncool.
Thredbo, Australia- Another costumed criminal has been arrested.
Yesterday, I mentioned three guys disguised as animals who robbed a Walmart. This may ACTUALLY be stranger...
A man dressed as Chewbacca assaulted a worker at a ski resort over the weekend. The 51-year-old man got upset when the staff member told him he couldn't ride the slopes while wearing the costume. In response, Chewy struck the victim with a snowboard, causing dental and facial injuries.
The wookie was charged with "using an offensive weapon." He's also been ordered to stay at least 15 kilometers away from the resort and have no contact with any staff members. [Daily Telegraph]
Austintown, OH- A man was arrested after buying male enhancement pills...and then showing everyone how well they worked.
21-year-old Shedrick Nichols purchased the pills from a GNC last Thursday. Nichols allegedly returned to the store later, exposed his genitals, and told the female clerk "these supplements really work."
I mean...what's the point in buying the pills if there's no one to appreciate the results?