In case you missed this morning's "Crappy News With Happy Music" here are today's headlines:

A woman gets hit by a Christmas parade float, a man spends $1 million of EMBEZZLED money on an iPhone app, and police arrest a plastic surgeon during an intimate operation... 

Pensacola, FL- A woman is recovering after being struck by a float during a community holiday parade...

Police say 59-year-old Miriam Mimms stepped into the street to pick something up along the parade route Saturday evening when she was bumped from behind and fell into the path of a float. A safety person walking with the float saw Mimms fall and pulled her head away from the path of the float’s tire. Authorities say the float ran over her left torso.

The parade was delayed for about 30 minutes. The incident is under investigation, and Miriam is in the hospital in stable condition. [CBS Miami]


Pleasant Grove, CA- A man pleaded guilty to wire fraud and money laundering after embezzling nearly $5 million.

He'd been purloining money from his company for approximately 7 years, to the tune of $4.8 million. He spent most of the money on cars, vacations, plastic surgery, and season tickets to the Sacramento Kings.

If that wasn't enough he also paid for $1 MILLION worth of in-app purchases for the iPhone app "Game of War," purchasing virtual weapons, soldiers, and fortresses. [Ars Technica]

Maybe he thought the $1 million could get him a date with Kate Upton...I don't know.

Mendoza, Argentina- Police showed up to a plastic surgeon's office to arrest him in the wrongful death of a patient--and interrupted his own penis-enlargement surgery.

Dr. Carlos Arzuza was taken into custody at the same clinic where a female patient had died of organ failure following liposuction and butt implant procedures...Dr. Arzuza was also arrested for negligent homicide after the death of another patient in 2013.

No word on if authorities allowed his operation to finish before detaining him.'ve been suspected of botching MULTIPLE operations...and you're going to let one of your employees operate on your JUNK?! Makes complete sense. [Mirror]

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