CRAPPY NEWS – 12/20/16
If you missed this morning's "Crappy News With Happy Music" here are today's headlines:
Firefighter fisticuffs, a man going from rehab to prison in the same day, and a woman's fat protects her from police...
Hyattsville, MD- Two volunteer firefighters have been indicted after being accused assaulting a female firefighter from a different company.
Jeffry Miller and Chris Kelly blocked the alleged victim from entering a burning house (an ACTIVE SCENE). Kelly hit the female firefighter, knocking her off the porch. She tried to re-enter the building when Miller grabbed her.
Miller & Kelly face multiple charges including second-degree assault and interfering with a firefighter in the performance of their duties. [CBS D.C.]
They're fighting while a house is literally burning right in front of them. I'm sure they'll get a certificate of merit from the city ANY DAY NOW.
Philadelphia, PA- A man was arrested mere hours after checking out of rehab.
25-yr-old Jamal Carroll signed himself out of a drug-and-alcohol treatment center, took a cab to a nearby bank and made off with more than $5,000 in cash.
But he encountered a few problems while setting his plan in motion. First, he wrote a note demanding the money...on his DISCHARGE PAPERS. Carroll then left a gym bag with half the money INSIDE the cab, along his his wallet and I.D.
Police caught him with heroin, cocaine, and about $1,000 of the bank's money left, according to the Chester County District Attorney's Office. [Philadelphia Inquirer]
It's a shame rehab makes you sober but not smarter...
Fort Walton Beach, FL- A lady was arrested last week after an altercation with her girlfriend.
37-year-old Amber Koestler then got physical with police. The cops tried to arrest her, but she managed to get out of the handcuffs and use them as a weapon...AND she even powered right through a taser shot.
Authorities were finally able get her booked and put her in a holding cell. But a few minutes later, they smelled smoke . . . and they found out Amber had smuggled a LIGHTER in and set a roll of toilet paper on fire.
They reviewed the surveillance cameras and found she'd hidden the lighter in one of her FAT ROLLS . . . and somehow it stayed lodged in place the whole time she fought the cops. [WJHG - Panama City Beach]
Turns out, her favorite Netflix show is Orange Is The New Blech...
Get your daily dose of dumb every weekday at 8:15! #CrappyNewsWithHappyMusic
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