CRAPPY NEWS – 2/15/17
In today's headlines:
We may never be able to eat Chinese food ever again, a paranoid guy gets himself caught, and a man reaches out to God before committing fraud...
New York City- One of the world's most prolific wordsmiths is being forced to retire.
Donald Lau has writer's block, and can no longer perform is duties as Chief Fortune Writer for Wonton Food, the U.S.' largest purveyor of fortune cookies!
Lau says he used to write about 100 fortunes per year, but he's now limited to maybe two or three a month.
He's in the midst of training a new head writer, so hopefully we can go back to eating Chinese food again very soon. [Good Food]
With all the chaos in the world, I'm not sure if I can handle this.
Garland, UT- This is proof that some people just aren't meant to be drug dealers.
The 27-year-old guy was on his way to North Dakota on Sunday. He thought suspicious cars were following him, so he freaked out and called police. When cops arrived they noticed he was acting erratically. They searched his truck and found some pot...along with 36 POUNDS of methamphetamine concealed in food jars.
The man gave police a name along with a fake passport, and police are still attempting to correctly identify him.
He was arrested on charges of forgery, marijuana possession, and meth possession with intent to distribute. Officers say the street value of the drugs is estimated at $500,000. [Fox 13 - Salt Lake City]
Heisenberg is going to be very upset.
Lakeland, FL- Religion makes people do some REALLY questionable things.
John Michael Haskew is accused of hacking into a bank and making fraudulent wire transfers...to the tune of $7 BILLION. Yes, billion with a "b."
When questioned by investigators, Haskew said...Jesus wanted him to do it.
According to the police report, he stated that "Jesus Christ created wealth for everyone" and Haskew believed that he "could obtain the wealth that Jesus Christ created for him and that belonged to him.” [WFTV.com]
Yes...I'm sure the Lord and Savior is VERY well-versed in modern computer hacking and bank fraud. I think I remember reading that in Ephesians or Galatians somewhere...
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