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CRAPPY NEWS – 2/17/17

A Canadian man has a very explosive V-Day, a pill popper gets a transport, and two women have a disgusting travel partner…

Oshawa, ON- This guy almost had a killer Valentine’s Day…literally.

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Thinkstock

The unnamed 50-year-old man was attempting to a necklace out a bullet (yes, really) when it EXPLODED and he accidentally shot himself in the thigh!

The genius needed surgery to remove the bullet fragments from his leg.

No charges are being filed, but police are taking this opportunity to remind residents not to “manipulate ammunition.” [Global News]

Just stick to flowers and chocolate like every other unimaginative male on Earth…

Bradenton, FL- A woman tried using 911 to get her drug fix.

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Thinkstock

40-year-old Kimberly Keener dialed the emergency number seven times and ambulances took her to seven different hospitals in 26 hours…so she could scam physicians into giving her painkillers.

Court documents did not say which ailments Keener was allegedly seeking treatment for, or if the scheme actually WORKED.

Keener has been charged with misuse of the 911 system and fraudulently obtaining a controlled substance. She also faces added jail time for a probation violation. [The Smoking Gun]

She got to the hospital SEVEN times before getting caught? Meanwhile, I can’t buy two boxes of Sudafed as CVS without getting the side-eye…

Washington, D.C.- Customs agents seized a VERY unusual piece of luggage from some female airline passengers.

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Thinkstock

Authorities at Dulles International Airport were performing a routine inspection of two women that had arrived from Mongolia. What they found was very alarming. You know, unless it’s normal for you to have 13 POUNDS OF HORSE GENITALIA in your suitcase.

The women claimed that it was for “medicinal purposes” but it’s still illegal to bring it into the country, so all the horse meat was incinerated. The Port Director said “Customs & Border Patrol takes no pleasure in seizing and destroying travelers’ food products.” [ABC Baltimore]

Regardless of how you feel about the travel ban, I’m pretty sure we can all agree on THIS.

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