CRAPPY NEWS – 2/24/17
Talking to cops is PROBABLY not the best time to try out your gymnastics moves, trafficking drugs is PROBABLY not the best thing to do while working in Congress, and faking a crime is PROBABLY not the best way to avoid going to work...
Albuquerque, NM: A woman gave an acrobatic effort to pass a sobriety test.
23-year-old Bryelle Marshall was found passed out in her vehicle Friday night. The patrolman was trying to have her complete a field sobriety test by walking in a straight line. Marshall did a CARTWHEEL instead. It was actually pretty good, so maybe that gave her the confidence to attempt a second one, which WASN'T so graceful.
Making things worse, it was all captured on the cop's body camera, so she can't exactly hide from it.
Marshall was taken to jail for aggravated drunk driving. [Huffington Post]
I'm not sure I could pull off a quality cartwheel while drunk. Mostly because I can't pull one off sober.
Billings, MT: A former State Congressman has been arrested.
56-year-old Michael Lange denies federal charges of intent to distribute AND conspiracy to distribute methamphetamine. The amount of drugs involved was not released by authorities.
Lange was removed from his position as House Majority Leader in the Montana legislature following a profanity-laced tirade against the GOVERNOR back in '07. [KRTV.com]
Clearly, he has a history of OUTSTANDING decision-making.
Tampa, FL: We've all had days where we didn't feel like coming into work. Most of us have never resorted to THIS.
28-year-old Dominique Jones called 911 on Monday night and told the cops that a man had just ROBBED him and stolen his wallet. His story didn't really check out, because he couldn't say what the guy looked like or what direction he went...but some detectives and the K-9 unit started looking around anyway.
When police found Jones' wallet a few minutes later inside of his own suitcase, he admitted that contrived the robbery story to avoid going to work that night. Jones was arrested and charged with filing a false report and misuse of 911. [Florida Times-Union]
Now he'll have PLENTY of time off, so he probably got what he wanted all along...
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