CRAPPY NEWS – 2/28/17
If you don't learn anything else today, trust me when I tell you this: There are LOTS of dumb people in Florida.
Bradenton, FL: Police are searching for a suspect who jammed an ATM machine with a bag of drugs.
The ATM went out of service a few weeks ago; when a technician opened it he found a small pouch of cocaine stuck in the deposit slot. It seems as though the whole thing was unintentional--that the person who made the transaction likely didn't know the coke was mixed with the cash they were depositing.
Chances are...the last person to use the ATM is the one cops are looking for, but they've made no arrests so far. [The Smoking Gun]
I bet if they tweeted it SOMEBODY would be dumb enough to claim it...
Boca Raton, FL: A guy forgot a very important detail after stealing a car.
45-year-old Michael McGilvary went to an exotic car dealership last Tuesday to test drive a Maserati. He told the salesman he wanted his girlfriend to see it, so they drove to a nearby marina. When they got there, McGilvary showed the salesman his father's boat...and then took off in the car.
Sounds like a very carefully-thought-out plan...except McGilvary had to leave his license at the Maserati dealership before the test drive. So they had ALL of his information. And, there was surveillance video of McGilvary at the lot.
He was very quickly apprehended and charged with grand larceny. [Palm Beach Post]
If you're gonna try to pull off something this cool, at least cover your tracks A LITTLE BIT better. This dude has probably seen Gone in Sixty Seconds a few too many times.
Lee County, FL: A burglar LITERALLY picked the wrong house.
Josue Ortiz entered the home's garage. The owner of the house, Brian Burch, heard commotion and went outside.
Ortiz told Burch that his boss had told him to pick up some tools to finish a construction job. Burch didn't buy it, and when he continued to ask questions, Ortiz tried to flee. Burch--whose proficient in Brazilian Jiu-jitsu--took Ortiz down to the ground and pinned him down until police arrived.
Ortiz faces charges of burglary and grand theft. [NBC 2 - Ft. Myers]
Words of wisdom: If you're going to break into someone's house, at least know whose house you're actually breaking into!