Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned--even if she just THINKS she's scorned, this guy REALLY needs to learn how Uber works, and an inmate gets caught with drugs in a very intimate spot...

Scottsdale, AZ: A man awoke to the sound of fireworks last weekend...at least he thought it was fireworks.

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The man heard a loud noise on Saturday night and assumed it was neighbors setting off fireworks...until he started feeling pain. Then he realized his girlfriend was SHOOTING him. 53-year-old Della Flores shot him once in the neck, torso, and thigh, and three times in his GROIN.

Flores told police that she suspected he was cheating on her. Luckily, the guy survived and is recuperating in the hospital.

Police found a 32-millimeter handgun and multiple boxes of ammunition at the scene. Flores was arrested on one count of aggravated assault and one count of first-degree attempted murder. [AZ Family]

Why is THAT the route to take? Couldn't you just---I don't know--dump someone?

Butte, MT: Some people clearly don't learn anything after going to jail...

54-year-old Clinton Todd Sproles was arrested Saturday night on suspicion of drunk driving. Turns out, Sproles has been down this path before...22 TIMES.

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Sproles had been sentenced to 20 YEARS in jail following his 22nd DUI back in 2008. Somehow, he'd gotten released from prison, but apparently didn't come to the realization that someone else should accompany him to the bar.

The arresting officer said "It doesn't look like he's getting any kind of a message to stop his behavior," also known as the most obvious quote ever.

DUI charges are misdemeanors in Montana until the fourth conviction, at which point the charge becomes a felony. [KRTV.com]

So, what does the 23rd charge become...a super-super-super-no, seriously, we really mean it this time-felony?

Jacksonville, FL: An inmate has been busted after storing drugs in a very special secret hiding place...

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34-year-old Josh Fletcher was being booked into the Duval County Jail for a separate incident. When officers searched Fletcher they found 54 Xanax pills...inside his rectum. No word on why Fletcher was--stashing--the pills or how long they'd been in there.

Fletcher now faces charges of introducing contraband into a detention center. [Action News Jacksonville]

I've never tried putting anything where he did, but 54 pills seems fairly impressive.

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