CRAPPY NEWS – 3/16/17
A John full of regret, a cooler full of kush, and a butt full of fish. Here are today’s top stories:
Lowville, NY- A man used 911 to complain about not receiving certain…services…
51-year-old Danny Gudridge paid a hooker $200 for two nights of fun. But she didn’t sleep with him EITHER time. Gudridge was frustrated so he called the cops on her.
Gudridge told police that the woman he wouldn’t put out, so they arrested her for prostitution. But Gudridge was ALSO arrested for patronizing a prostitute, which actually carries more jail time than BEING a prostitute. [Watertown Daily Times]
But if she wouldn’t have sex with him, she’s technically NOT a hooker…right??
Monroe, WA- A cooler donated to a Goodwill turned out to contain something much more valuable.
Someone dropped off the cooler over the weekend. Employees found a surprise when they opened the lid…nearly FOUR POUNDS of marijuana!
Police say that the pot–with a street value of around $24,000–will be placed into evidence and destroyed during their next drug burn. They’re reviewing surveillance video to try and identify the cooler’s owner. [UPI]
Here’s what I want to know: Was this person just try to ditch the drugs or was he so high that he forgot it was still in there?
Guangzhou, China- You know that friend that gets drunk and yells “Hey…watch this?” This is DEFINITELY that guy.
A 45-year-old man had been drinking when he decided to put two live fish into his RECTUM.
Unfortunately, one of the fish got ambitious and broke through his intestinal wall, reaching his abdomen. He rushed himself to the hospital the next day because of extreme stomach pain.
Surgeons removed both fish, but now the guy has a serious abdominal infection and is being treated in Intensive Care. [Daily Mail]
You should just stick to peeing on buildings or running around shirtless like MY drunk friends do…