Three out of the three people in these stories are VERY desperate, only two will stay that way. It's a X-rated edition of "Crappy News"... Happy Monday!

North Austin, TX- A man has been arrested for indecent exposure after a neighbor spotted him violating...her fence.

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The neighbor saw 32-year-old Eleodoro Estala reportedly making obscene gestures and exposing his genitals Wednesday morning. Estala then began tongue-kissing her chain-link fence.Once the foreplay was over, he dropped his pants and began HAVING SEX with the fence. The woman took photos and videos of the incident with her cell phone and called the cops.

Once police arrived officers claimed that Estala was uncooperative and appeared to be intoxicated. [Austin American Statesman]

I've been really drunk before, but never to the point where I mistook a fence for a person. Somebody keep this guy away from Home Depot after Happy Hour.

Crookston, MN- A mailman got a little way too friendly on his route.

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21-year-old Brian L. Chapman was delivering the mail last month when a homeowner became suspicious after noticing Chapman spending a lot of of time in his garage. The man's property has security cameras, so he scanned through the footage and saw that Chapman had been engaging in sexual acts WITH HIS DOG.

The police department also reviewed the footage and concluded that Chapman had indeed set down a package and then had his way with the dog.

Chapman faces a felony charge of burglary and a misdemeanor charge of bestiality. [The Smoking Gun]

One of those crimes is way weirder than the other, I'll let you decide which one.

Japan- A recently-deceased man turned out to be a horny hoarder.

Zoonar RF

The guy's landlord hadn't received rent for a while so he went to the man's apartment to check things out. He found a stack of pornographic magazines scattered through all the rooms. The landlord assumed the tenant had bailed out on his rent, so he hired a cleaning crew to get rid of the magazines. That's when they found the man's DEAD BODY underneath the pile.

The tenant apparently suffered a heart attack and knocked over a bunch of the porn as he was falling. The crew reportedly removed SIX TONS of porn from the apartment. [New York Post]

Maybe he just really liked reading the articles...

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