CRAPPY NEWS – 5/1/17
A man wrecks his car in a very fitting location, police investigate a feline sniper, and a guy is probably the "crappiest" neighbor of all time...
Dry Ridge, KY- Sometimes, things happen the way they're supposed to.
Leonard Owens was driving to an auto parts store on Tuesday because he needed his brakes fixed. Apparently...he REALLY needed the parts, because as he pulled in to park, Owens' brakes failed and he smashed through the front of the store!
Luckily, no one was hurt. It's unclear if Owens faces any charges. [NBC 5 - Cincinnati]
If this ever happens to me, I hope I crash into a Mexican restaurant on Taco Tuesday.
Newport, OR- Police responded to call of a cat with a gun.
A neighbor called 911 and reported what they thought was a cat in a tree...holding an ASSAULT RIFLE. Cops responded and determined that the gun was actually just an unusual-looking BRANCH (it does look like a miniature gun, though).
Police joked on their Facebook page that the cat was issued a "verbal warning." [UPI]
I mean, this is America. Would you REALLY be surprised if the cat had an actual gun?
Chicago, IL- This guy took being on the "S*** List" to a completely new level...
29-year-old Alan Clay was arrested last week after pouring LIQUID FECES under his neighbor's door.
Clay told police that he'd repeatedly complained to building management about her being too loud, and had previously tried dumping urine into her apartment. When she didn't get the message, Clay told authorities that he "had to step it up" and resorted to using the poo. [CWBChicago]
Well, congrats. You successfully stepped it up. Hopefully, nobody stepped IN it. I bet this guy is a BLAST at parties...