CRAPPY NEWS – 5/12/17
A man proves we'll do just about anything for free food, a drunk driver cuts out the middle man, and a lady gets a DUI without drinking booze...
Coconino County, AZ- A guy risked his life...to win free pizza.
The 30-year-old dufus apparently didn't bother checking the weather forecast before attempting to hike to the top of a mountain to claim his prize.
Normally, wearing a tank top and shorts would be totally reasonable hiking attire...except when there are FIVE INCHES of snow on top of the mountain. The climber began to experience signs of hypothermia and had to be rescued. [UPI]
I love pizza as much as the next guy, but it's probably not worth dying over...
Roseburg, OR- A drunk driver was arrested after crashing his car into a REHAB CENTER.
23-year-old James Powell lost control of his pickup truck, drove into a sign and collided with several other cars before smashing into the addiction clinic.
The wreck knocked Powell's passenger unconscious and also injured two dogs that were riding in the back of the truck.
Powell took off from the scene and had to be subdued with a Taser. He was arrested for DUI, as well as reckless driving, assault, and animal endangerment. [News-Review]
Most people won't even be mad about the drunken driving, but DON'T YOU DARE hurt a dog.
Pittsburgh, PA- A woman was busted for DUI...because she was littering.
Police kept finding bags of empty bottles near a trail, so they set up surveillance cameras to see who was dumping them. Last week, they spotted 61-year-old Dorothy Ranker pitching the bottles out of her car window. Here's where things get odd.
Ranker is a recovering alcoholic, but didn't want to relapse by drinking full-on liquor...so she began drinking VANILLA EXTRACT. She told police that she'd had "two vanillas" that she was drinking from an eight-ounce bottle. Officers noticed Ranker had another FIVE smaller bottles with her, as well. Vanilla extract is 70 proof--35% alcohol--so she was doing quite a bit of damage. Ranker's B.A.C. was a whopping 0.128.
She was charged with drunk driving and, of course, littering. [KDKA-TV]
Does she have enough left over to bake a cake? Cookies? I mean, you have to soak up that alcohol eventually, right??