CRAPPY NEWS – 5/3/17
Here are today's top stories: Another stellar example of online dating, border patrol finds a stash in a grim place, and a man almost gets turned into mulch...
Ocala, FL- A man hooked up with a woman...then stole her video games.
23-year-old Kareem Mutcherson met the woman on the website Plenty of Fish.
They went on a date Sunday night, and ended up doing "the dance with no pants" back at her place. According to police, Mutcherson came back to the home in the middle of the night and ROBBED her, stealing an XBox, Wii, and Playstation game console. Mutcherson also pistol-whipped a 68-year-old man who shared a home with the victim.
Cops say Mutcherson left a small child in the back seat of his car while committing the robbery. He told police that the victim was his "side girlfriend" and she had GIVEN him the gaming systems for his birthday. Mutcherson was charged with armed robbery and assault on a person over 65. [ClickOrlando]
It's amazing that so many good-hearted people can't find dates, yet this guy managed to have a girlfriend AND a sidepiece...
Tombstone, AZ- You can't fault this guy's lack of creativity...
Border patrol officers stopped a hearse at an immigration checkpoint Monday. Police dogs detected the smell of drugs.
Agents discovered a casket being carried inside. But the casket did not contain human remains; instead, it was filled with 67 POUNDS of marijuana separated into bricks (yes, a casket full of drugs was found in Tombstone). The street value of the weed is around $33,000.
Bringing in 67 pounds of dope? That's a huge UNDERTAKING...yep, I went there...
Salem, OR- A man faces attempted murder charges after trying to push a man into a WOOD CHIPPER.
26-year-old Scott Iverson is accused of attacking his co-worker, 22-year-old Austin Crawford, Thursday afternoon. The victim told police that he was loading brush into the wood chipper when Iverson grabbed him from behind and put him in a chokehold. Iverson then tried to force him head-first into the machine. Another employee intervened and pulled Iverson away.
Crawford says he has no idea what provoked the attack. [CBS 13 - Eugene]
Normally, loggers only need to worry about getting killed by TREES, not by the thing that cuts them up.