CRAPPY NEWS – 6/1/17
Here are today's top stories:
A man gets caught huffing while driving, two dudes smuggle smut, and a robbery attempt goes up in flames...
Seattle, WA- A guy got busted for rear-ending a cop car. But things got much weirder after that.
The man nudged the patrol car while at the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport last week. Cops noticed the driver acting strangely and saw white discharge coming out of his eyes. Officers searched the man and found a can of air freshener spray in his pants pocket. When cops asked if he'd been HUFFING the air freshener, the man simply replied "Oh yeah, a lot."
Officers reported the suspect had difficulty standing and would not follow their commands. He also refused a breathalyzer test, which is a shame considering all the effort he put in to making his breath smell like lavender. [KIRO-TV]
Las Vegas, NV- Some kinky criminals got away with a pretty large haul.
Two men broke into a warehouse twice over Memorial Day weekend. The warehouse belonged to Lelo, which specializes in high-end ADULT PRODUCTS.
The burglars entered through the back gate on Friday evening and stole two shipping boxes full of condoms...30,000 individually-wrapped condoms. The duo returned the next day and drove off with three boxes of premium love toys. Among the items taken? A box of 33 "prostate massagers" and 48 Kegel beads.
Oddly enough, Lelo posted a blog after the incident stating that they were about to give away thousands of the condoms FOR FREE, so the perps probably could've just waited a few days and not gone through all this trouble. [CNBC]
What kind of party were these guys having? And why didn't I get an invite?
Everett, WA- A robbery plan literally went up in smoke.
A pair of would-be thieves tried to steal cash from an ATM early Tuesday morning.
The ATM was in the side of a wood building, so their plan was to cut through the wood, and then use a blowtorch to open the cash box. Seems smart...but the plan worked a little too well.
The flames from the blowtorch actually caught the money ON FIRE and the two losers ended up leaving with nothing. The bank will provide surveillance video to police in order to help catch the suspects. [Q13 Fox]
Might want to let the professionals handle this next time...