CRAPPY NEWS – 6/14/17
Happy Hump Day! Today's top stories include a bad alibi, a devil's threesome, and a gut full of poo...enjoy!
Gillette, WY- A college student had maybe the greatest terrible excuse ever for getting arrested...
23-year-old Lydia Cormaney was caught trying to shoplift more than $1,900 worth of goods from Walmart. When questioned by police, Cormaney claimed that she was researching a term paper on kleptomania.
After police found thousands of dollars in stolen items in her dorm, Cormaney finally came clean. She told police she began shoplifting after being forced to move into a new dorm room, and her old roommate owned most of the household items. Cormaney is facing three felony theft charges. [AP]
Warwick Township, PA- A trio was arrested for having a rooftop three-way...
Witnesses reported seeing 29-year-old Joel Beger, 24-year-old Amanda Howley and 26-year-old Kevin Venbrux “on the roof of an adjacent building engaged in sexual activity.” Apparently, a guy-girl-guy threesome is known as a "Devil's Three-way" these days...#TheMoreYouKnow
But they say it's not what it seems. Venbrux wrote on Facebook, quote, "This news makes it look a lot cooler than it was. Everyone had their clothing on. We were just watching the sunrise...and neighbors saw us kissing." All three were cited for disorderly conduct. [The Smoking Gun]
Shanghai, China- Doctors had to remove part of a man's intestines because of a rare medical condition.
The 22-year-old patient was diagnosed with Hirschsprung's Disease. It affects the nerves in the bowels, making it difficult for waste to pass through the digestive system and causing extreme constipation.
How extreme? Surgeons operated for three hours in order to remove a 30-inch-long portion of his large intestine packed with TWENTY-EIGHT pounds of solid waste that was "trapped in the degenerative section of his colon."
The removed bowel had to be stitched closed on both ends to prevent fecal matter from spilling out. [Mirror]
This guy's gonna be eating bran muffins and prune juice every day 'til he's 85...
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