CRAPPY NEWS – 6/15/17
Here are today's headlines: A car thief can't drive stick, a man sells fake drugs, and a lady beats religion into her husband...
Jefferson County, AL- A man was arrested after leading police on a low-speed chase.
Cops responded to a report of a suspicious vehicle stopped in the road. While at the scene, a wintess claimed to see a man steal a flatbed delivery truck nearby. Police spotted 29-year-old Randy Vert driving the truck and began following him. Vert, apparently unfamiliar with using a manual transmission, was unable to get the truck out of first gear.
He continued driving on the interstate--at 30 miles per hour--until the transmission stalled and the truck stopped. Vert is charged with first-degree theft of property, reckless endangerment and resisting arrest. [AL.com]
He doesn't need jail time...he just needs his dad to teach him how to drive a stickshift...ARE YOU LISTENING, DAD?!?!
Manchester, TN- Cops arrested a man doing something shady at a music festival...I know, I'm JUST as surprised as you.
45-year-old David Brady was busted for selling phony drugs at Bonnaroo last week.
Authorities searched Brady and found 37 pills made to look like molly, 22 bags of fake mushrooms, about 1,000 hits of fake acid, 20 bags made to look like cocaine and an incense stick made to resemble black tar heroin.
When questioned, Brady claimed he was doing "God's work" by dealing the fake drugs.
Brady was charged with possession counterfeit controlled substances. Turns out, this isn't Brady's first go-round. He's also wanted in Arkansas for selling fake drugs at a music festival in 2015. [Knoxville News Sentinel]
What's more embarrassing...being caught with real drugs or fake ones?
St. Petersburg, FL- This woman took "finding Jesus" to a new level.
49-year-old Tina Abrams got into an argument with her husband on Friday. It ended when she clobbered him over the head with a GLASS CROSS.
According to police, Mr. Abrams returned home in the early morning hours of June 9th. This started the argument, which led to Mrs. Abrams repeatedly striking her husband with the cross. The victim sustained several different injuries to his head.
Mrs. Abrams, who has a history of violent crime arrests, has been charged with felony domestic battery. [The Smoking Gun]
I'm not religious guy, but I'd be praying for a good divorce lawyer.