Here are today's top stories:

A news station becomes the news, a woman steals a stripper pole, and a man almost dies because of nachos...

Albuquerque, NM- A television station unwillingly became a part of their own story.

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A local news team was doing a report about a crime spree in the city when someone stole their station vehicle. Police located the SUV about 30 minutes later. The culprit abandoned the vehicle but it had been damaged. The station claims the SUV was locked and the keys weren't inside, so it's not clear how the truck was stolen.

KOB-TV News Director Michelle Donaldson said “I have a rule, that you can never be the lead of your own newscast. So this violates that rule.” [Albuquerque Journal]

Take that, mainstream media! That's what you get for reporting all that fake news...

Little Rock, AR- A woman is on the run after shoplifting...a stripper pole.

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A woman went into a Spencers last week and returned some stuff.  And she decided she wanted to use her store credit to get the stripper pole. Seems like a pretty sensible person, so far.

But she needed to pay the difference, and since she didn't have the money she just tried to run out of the store with the pole, instead. The clerk chased her into the common area of the mall and wrestled the pole from the suspect who then bit her on the upper right arm. Police are still looking for her. [KATV - Little Rock]

You know you've made some excellent life decisions when you try to steal a stripper pole from the mall. #WifeMaterial

Las Vegas, NV- A cook is lucky to be alive after surviving a customer's knife attack.

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40-year-old Marcos Mendiola was hospitalized after he was stabbed last Tuesday by an angry diner. Mendiola explained that two men came into the restaurant and demanded both meat and chicken on their nachos. The cashier said they could have one or the other but not both. The men got angry, entered the kitchen and began fighting with the cooks.

Mendiola suffered 14 stab wounds--seven to the stomach, four to the back, two to the head, and one to the arm. [NBC 3 - Las Vegas]

I think we've all had "hangry" moments...but I've never been hungry enough to ACTUALLY try to kill someone.

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