You can't provoke someone and then complain once you get your a** beat. This is "Crappy News" for Wednesday, April 4th.

Parsippany, NJ- A drunk man was found in a grocery store covered in leftover chicken.

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Police responded to a call from the store's parking lot last month. Officers noticed a vehicle improperly parked and blocking a handicapped parking space.

When officers came inside, they found 30-year-old Kenneth Milesky near the deli area laying on the ground, with a partially-eaten chicken breast on his chest. They woke him up and detected alcohol on his breath. Milesky was arrested and charged with DWI, Reckless Driving and Obstructing a Handicapped Space. [Parsippany Focus]

No word on if he was allowed to finish eating his chicken.

Islip, NY- A judge has confessed to being a serial panty-snatcher.

49-year-old Robert Cicale was busted Thursday morning for breaking into his neighbor's house and STEALING her used underwear.

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Cicale fled after the 23-year-old woman spotted him in her bedroom doorway. The victim then locked the door and called 911.

The cops caught Cicale down the street pretending to knock on someone's door...with several pairs of the woman's underwear in his jacket pockets.

Cicale has been ordered to stay away from the woman and wear a GPS tracking device. He's also been removed from the bench...and could get up to 15 years in prison.[USA Today]

Wow...sniffing panties? Is this dude in high school?

Santa Fe, NM- Dave Chappelle is being sued by a man who threw a banana peel at him.

Christopher Polk/Getty Images

Christian Englander filed a lawsuit on Friday, contending he was attacked by a man who appeared to be Chappelle's bodyguard. He claims the bodyguard hit him multiple times while restrained, and Englander was unable to defend himself.

The incident happened during one of Chappelle's stand-up comedy shows in 2015.

Englander, who is white, has said he had no racial motivation when he threw the banana peel at Chappelle, but was angered by a joke made during the show.

Englander faced charges of battery and disturbing the peace, but they were dropped because Chappelle was unwilling to participate in the prosecution. [MSN Entertainment]

What did this guy think was going to happen, exactly?

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