I mean...who among us HASN'T done that? This is "Crappy News" for Monday, September 10th, 2018.

Hampton Beach, NH- A man was fined for injuring a bird.

Bruce Bennett/Getty Images

Nate Rancloes had returned from getting a cheeseburger and fries and was sitting on the sand with his daughter when seagulls got to his food. Rancloes claims he simply tried to shoo one of the birds away but accidentally kicked it.

A witness reported the incident to the Department of Fish & Game, who issued Rancloes a whopping $124 fine. Seagulls are protected under federal law, and Rancloes insists that it was not malicious: "If I intentionally hurt the seagull in front of hundreds of witnesses, I would perhaps be the dumbest criminal ever." [Newser]

I don't know about "dumbest criminal ever." I'd be mad if a bird came after my burger, too.

Leesburg, FL- A woman received death threats...for giving her son a swirly.

Jupiterimages

A video was posted on Facebook September 1st showing Kaitlyn Wolf disciplining her 3-year-old son. She was punishing her son for using profanity...and instead of merely washing his mouth out with soap...she decided to stick his head into a toilet bowl.

Wolf sent the clip to the kid's babysitter, who shared it with someone else, who then posted it online. Numerous people commented on the video saying they were reporting Wolf to Child Services. Others even threatened to kill her.

Police and (child services) the Florida Department of Children & Families recommended that charges be filed against Wolf, claiming the incident "threatened harm of mental injury due to bizarre punishment."

The state's attorney rejected the request, saying that there was no neglect or physical abuse. [WFTV]

Niceville, FL- A naked drunk guy accidentally set his house on fire...and didn't realize it.

Thinkstock

The dude was reportedly trying to bake cookies on his George Foreman Grill. But he forgot about them, and they caught on fire.

He threw some towels on the grill to smother the fire, and thought it was out. But then the towels caught on fire too...and he was too drunk to realize the flames had spread. Firefighters managed to put out the blaze, and no one was hurt. But they say he was dangerously close to dying of smoke inhalation.

The man admitted to investigators that he had drank two liters of vodka and smoked marijuana starting around 9:00 a.m. that morning. [The Ledger]

I wouldn't have been able to stand up, let alone cook anything.

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