This is 'Crappy News' for Thursday, November 9th, 2017.

Ada, OK- A man was prepared to fight his neighbor in more ways than one.

49-year-old Donald Gaither confronted his former neighbor, Troy Bagley, and accused him of getting Gaither kicked out of his trailer court.

Pontotoc Co. (OK) Police Dept.

Gaither went to Bagley's home on Sunday and challenged him to a KNIFE FIGHT.

Gaither had a knife in each hand and two more in his belt. Not only that, he'd made himself body armor...using an array of naughty magazines. Bagley wisely decided to call police rather than try to fight.

Gaither had the magazines taped to his stomach when officers searched him. He told police that he'd been to jail before, and that was how inmates protected themselves. Gaither was charged with assault with a deadly weapon. [KFOR-TV]

So there IS something old-fashioned porn can do that Internet porn can't...

Darmstadt, Germany- A man was busted for showing police his trouser snake. No, seriously.

XavierFargas

The 19-year-old was drunkenly arguing with a neighbor Tuesday night. Officers searched the man and reported finding a "significant bulge" in the suspect's pants.

The man told police that he had a snake in his pants, and pulled out a 14-inch baby python. Officers took the unidentified man to the police station to sober up. Cops are investigating if the "non-species-appropriate transport" violated animal protection laws. [CBS News]

I'm guessing his snake had more than one eye. At least that's the hope.

Gainesville, FL- A woman was arrested after attacking a bouncer...with beer.

Getty Images

27-year-old Casey Willey was booked early Monday morning following an incident at a bar. Willey refused to leave after the bar had closed, and a bouncer was trying to escort her out of the building. She responded by striking him with a 12-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer.

Police say Willey was shouting profanities and behaving violently, and tried to run away from the scene after being handcuffed. Willey was charged with one count of disorderly conduct. [Independent Florida Alligator]

You know this story couldn't be from Iowa...because she would've used Busch Light.

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