These guys are some real turkeys. Here's "Crappy News" for Wednesday, November 21st, 2018.

Portland, OR- A man's plan LITERALLY went up in flames.

Steve Hix/Somos Images/Corbis

A man was caught on camera trying to siphon gas from a U-Haul truck. Fire officials said something went wrong and a fire ignited before quickly spreading.

Security guards found the moving truck and a large van engulfed in flames Monday morning. Video from a neighboring store showed a man running from the scene with his pants on fire.

The Fire Department said, quote, "we don't believe this is what the individual intended." Understatement of the year. Authorities are still working to find the suspect. [KOIN.com]

New Orleans, LA- A man was arrested for a bathroom bomb threat...

Thinkstock

30-year-old Arthur Posey was at a restaurant last week. While inside, employees allegedly heard Posey say he was "going to get a bomb and blow this place up."

When confronted by police, Posey claimed that they twisted his words -- explaining he told staffers he was going to "blow the bathroom up" ... meaning he REALLY had to poop.

Cops didn't believe him, and he's facing charges of communicating false information of planned arson. [TMZ]

So...he thinks the allegations are bunch of crap?

Pinellas County, FL- I honestly don't know how this dude is alive.

50-year-old Ricardo Portillo-Gonzalez was pulled over Sunday afternoon for driving recklessly. Officers quickly figured out why.

Getty Images

Police noticed that Portillo-Gonzalez had bloodshot eyes and was unsteady on his feet. A  breath test showed that Ricardo had a blood alcohol concentration of .66 ... EIGHT TIMES the legal limit.

For reference, a reading of 0.40 is considered lethal.

Portillo-Gonzalez was listed at 200 pounds. That means for him to have a .66 blood-alcohol level, he would need to have put back about 33 to 35 "drinks" in one hour . . . which is more than one full bottle of 100 proof hard liquor.

He was arrested for DUI (ya think?) and is due in court next month. [The Smoking Gun]

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