I'm normally not on the side of criminals, but I think I can make an exception for this. Here's "Crappy News" for Monday, December 3rd, 2018.

Berkshire, England- This woman will be double-checking her packages from now on...

Thinkstock

22-year-old Kelly Young sold a pair of boots on eBay. What Young didn't realize was that she'd been using that same shoebox...to hide her sex toy.

Young received an email a few days later saying, quote, "My husband bought these for me off u. Have you lost something?"

The man's wife also attached a picture of the love toy next to one of the boots.

Young was obviously very embarrassed about the goof. "I'm waiting for her to get back to me now. I'm a bit nervous to open my inbox and check.I won't be asking her to send it back in the post, that's for sure." [The Daily Mail]

Nassau County, FL- Police responded to an incident last Sunday night.

iStock

36-year-old Kenneth Crumpton was allegedly upset because his baked potato was undercooked and stabbed the female victim in the head with a fork.

Police noted that blood was visible on the woman’s head, and that she had suffered multiple stab wounds.

The fork and a blood-stained shirt were picked up at the scene. Crumpton was charged with a felony for aggravated battery with a weapon. [The Smoking Gun]

I've heard of "road rage," but "spud rage" is a new one for me.

Des Moines- 58 convicts are suing to get their porn back.

Thinkstock

The lawsuit seeks to overturn a new state law that has banned "pornography reading rooms" in Iowa's prisons and also prohibits inmates from having nude photos in their cells.

The law specifies that funds appropriated to the Department of Corrections shall not be used to make sexually explicit material available to prisoners.

Senator Rich Taylor, a former prison system employee, opposes the new bill, saying, quote, "This gives the inmates no release point except another offender, and don’t think that it doesn’t happen...They will have no other alternatives for their relief."

The inmates are seeking $25,000 each, which I can only assume they'd use to buy more porn. [Des Moines Register]

Follow Slater on FacebookTwitter and Instagram, and listen live @ Q923.net or with the Q92.3 mobile app!