And that's only the second-worst thing to happen to him. This is 'Crappy News' for Tuesday, August 8th...

Sioux City, IA- A man got arrested after trying to deposit fake money at a bank last week.

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33-year-old Dennis Strickland brought a $1 million bill into a Northwest Bank branch on Thursday. The teller noticed the counterfeit cash and called police. Cops asked Strickland to empty his pockets--which TECHNICALLY he didn't have to do, he was just being cooperative.

Strickland complied...and pulled out a bag of methamphetamine.

Police charged him with possession of a controlled substance. [Sioux City Journal]

Fountain Valley, CA- A man is suing Heineken after finding lizards in his beer...

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The lawsuit claims that the man purchased the cans of Heineken back in August 2015. He detected a foul taste coming from the beer, and the plaintiff says that he experienced stomach discomfort and vomiting soon after. His daughter examined the can and allegedly discovered two lizards, which were identified as juvenile leopard geckos.

The plaintiff claims to this day, he still suffers from "severe gastrointestinal ailments, emotional distress and anxiety.” He's suing for negligence and asking for an unspecified amount. Heineken denies the accusations. [Consumerist]

Siloam Springs, AR- A man has been accused of mounting a mule.

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The Whitaker family called 911 last month and said that a man was trespassing on their property and having sex with one of their pet donkeys. Because having sex with your donkey would be weird...

Police found 49-year-old Everett Compton hiding in some bushes in the back of the property. Compton initially claimed that he was simply feeding carrots to the donkeys, but quickly changed his story when confronted with video evidence.

Compton told the officer he smokes a lot of marijuana, which makes him do "sick things." He was charged with bestiality. [4029tv.com]

Sometimes you just REALLY need a piece of ass, am I right?

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