Ah, the things we'll do for love. This is "Crappy News" for Thursday, September 6th, 2018.

Derby, United Kingdom- An ice cream parlor is being disciplined because of its drunken desserts.

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Gavin Murray and his wife own Just-Ice: Ethical Ice Cream in Derby, and was recently told to stop selling three of its booziest flavors--Bailey's, Irish Coffee, and Rum Raisin.

Authorities say the flavors contained more than 0.5% ABV, which classifies them as alcoholic, and Murray would either have to pay for a liquor license or modify the production process to burn off all the alcohol. [BBC News]

Orlando, FL- A man was arrested for a drive-by shooting...because of a restaurant review?

Hemera Technologies

Diana Walley was reportedly unhappy with the service at a local restaurant and left a negative review on Facebook last month.The restaurant's owner felt that the review was hurting business, so her son, Michael Johnson, drove to Walley's home while 42-year-old Norman Auvil fired three shots from the passenger seat.

One of the bullets pierced the window of the house and narrowly missed Walley's husband.

Auvil was arrested and admitted to having "six to eight" beers while discussing the incident before riding along with Johnson. [Action News Jax]

Wellington, New Zealand- A guy tried to impress his girlfriend. By breaking into a zoo.

SivelstreSelva

23-year-old John Casford infiltrated the Wellington Zoo back in April. The reason? He was trying to steal a squirrel monkey and bring it home to his girlfriend.

Casford managed to find a way into the monkeys' enclosure. But he FELL while trying scale a fence, and ended up with a broken leg, a sprained ankle, and two busted teeth. In the process, he also injured two of the monkeys.

Police were able to find him, and Casford admitted to being "high as a kite" during the attempt.

It turns out that Casford also had some outstanding warrants for a series of assaults and a road rage incidents, so a judge just sentenced him to two-and-a-half years in prison. [NZ Herald]

Clearly, he wasn't interested in any more monkey business from this guy.

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