Wouldn't anybody?? This is 'Crappy News' for Thursday, 10/19/17.

Paris, France- Two thieves were sentenced this week for raiding travelers' luggage.

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Authorities had been stumped by a recent series of robberies. People had complained about items missing from their bags during a ride on an airport shuttle. A driver called police after noticing a suspicious suitcase being loaded onto his bus.

One of the suspects would put a large suitcase inside the cargo bay underneath the bus, and his accomplice would CRAWL OUT OF IT and take other passengers' stuff.

The man hiding in the suitcase was sentenced to eight months in jail, and his co-conspirator received a year in prison. [Yahoo]

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Goldsboro, NC- A woman assaulted her boyfriend...with bacon.

Police say a man was arguing with his girlfriend on Sunday when things got heated. It turned physical, and she whacked him in the face with an uncooked package of bacon.

No charges have been filed, and it's not known if police confiscated the evidence. I just know that *I* would have. [ABC11.com]

Tucson, AZ- A man chose a very unsafe way to solve his spider problem.

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Firefighters were called to extinguish a blaze at a mobile home park on Sunday night. The homeowner allegedly tried to remove spiders and spiderwebs from under his property by setting them on fire with a propane torch.

Naturally, this plan failed miserably, and he accidentally destroyed his own home. The fire was contained to the one mobile home and no serious injuries were reported. [Arizona Daily Star]

I mean...I hate spiders, too. But probably not enough to burn down my own place.

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