Man Gets Ring (And Scissors) Caught On His Junk

This is taking an embarrassing situation and somehow making it WORSE. Here's 'Crappy News' for Wednesday, 3/7.

Memphis, TN- A woman was conned into bringing her grandson drugs while he was in prison.

68-year-old Sarah Griffin was visiting her grandson in jail this weekend. Inmate Cody Clements had asked his grandma to smuggle in a cell phone.

A guard observed Griffin handing Clements a Doritos bag with the phone inside. Clements allegedly took a small object out of the bag before he gave it to the officer.

Guards noticed what appeared to be several individual bags of drugs wrapped in electrical tape. The baggies tested positive for 28.5 grams of methamphetamine, 11.4 grams of marijuana, 40 bars of Xanax pills, 1.7 grams of ecstasy and 1.1 grams of heroin.

Griffin told the guards she thought she was giving Clemens a cell phone, but now she could go to prison for up to SIX YEARS for smuggling contraband. [WREG-TV]

Tricking your grandma? C'mon, man...

Vernon, NJ- A man who went a week without power threatened his utility company.

63-year-old Robert Winter lost power during a major snowstorm last week. As of Monday, it STILL hadn't been fixed...so he called the electric company to complain.

Winter became even more aggravated and threatened to kidnap one of their employees. He went even further, saying he knew how to make bombs and would blow up a substation so nobody else would have power.

A representative from the utility company contacted police and supplied a recording of the phone conversation. Winter was soon arrested and charged with making terroristic threats. [New Jersey Herald]

At least the jail has electricity, so there's that.

Kuching, Malaysia- A man went to the hospital (again) for putting his junk where it didn't belong (again).

The 45-year-old was messing around and got a ring stuck on his dong. He tried to pry the ring off himself by using a pair of scissors. That plan failed, too...and they ALSO became stuck.

He called the fire department for help, and they sent the man to the hospital, fearing he would sustain "grievous injuries." Surgeons had to use a saw to remove the items. At last check, the patient was still recuperating. [New Straits Times]

You know...they need a new "Bachelor" for next season, right? How about casting this guy? Or this one? Or what about this one? We've got to help these dudes get some human companionship.

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