This DEFINITELY didn't help his problem. This is "Crappy News" for Tuesday, June 5th.

New Jersey- A man's journey came up just A BIT short.

emilystarbuck

The U.S. Coast Guard was notified Sunday night by radio that a man had been stranded by bad weather while attempting a transatlantic voyage from New York to Scotland. In a rowboat.

52-year-old Duncan Hutchinson was rescued and removed from the water. He'd made it a whopping 20 miles before paging for help. The Coast Guard issued a statement recommending checking the weather before attempting any ocean excursion. [NBC 4 - New York]

Surrey, British Columbia, Canada- Locals are being confronted by feral peacocks.

Getty Images

The colorful birds have caused thousands of dollars in damages to residents' cars by using their beaks and talons to lash out at their reflections--believing them to be be rival peacocks.

Mating seasons runs from March to October and the peacocks' hostility and loud shrieking has caused plenty of sleepless nights for locals.

Authorities say there isn't much they can do despite the public nuisance. The Wildlife Act doesn't apply to peacocks. [CTV News]

China- A man was hospitalized after trying a bizarre home remedy.

Kan Kan News

If you're constipated, one of the foods you can try is eggplant--it's high in fiber, water, and antioxidants. Unfortunately, it seems like this dude GROSSLY misinterpreted that advice.

He told the doctors he thought the vegetable could act as a laxative to increase his bowel movement. However, instead of eating it...he inserted it into his rectum. The 12-inch eggplant ended up going up along his intestines before getting lodged in his upper abdomen.

An x-ray also showed that the eggplant had gotten stuck in a diagonal position (pictured), which caused inflammation in the patient's lungs. The man underwent surgery and had the vegetable removed whole. [Daily Mail]

On the bright side...at least he wasn't trying to pleasure himself...

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