Surprisingly, some men want you to think their junk is very large. This is 'Crappy News' for Tuesday, January 9th.

Minot, ND- Cops arrested a frosty felon.


Police were called to a Hobby Lobby store Wednesday night after a report of a shoplifter. 22-year-old Dustin Johnson allegedly loaded $4,000 worth of items into a cart over a seven-hour period.

When it was finally full, he headed outside and tried to run away. But it was less than 10 degrees outside at the time, and the cart got stuck in the SNOW. Johnson got frustrated and left the cart behind. While he was running away, Johnson slipped on the ice and his wallet fell out of his pocket. The cops found it and used it to track him down at his house.

He now faces a charge of felony shoplifting. [Grand Forks Herald]

You know the winter is harsh when it's too cold to commit a crime.

Sacramento, CA- A man made a beer run...after stealing a police car.


Officers were responding to a call Saturday night. 22-year-old Zachary Samaha jumped into an unattended patrol car and drove off. A witness spotted the car driving erratically with its lights off and began following Samaha. The cop car then did a U-turn before swerving in the street an crashing into a telephone pole.

Samaha then left the scene of the crash before driving to a nearby liquor store. The witness, Chris Marzan, made a citizen's arrest and restrained Samaha before calling 911.

Samaha was booked for vehicle theft and DUI. [Sacramento Bee]

Saltillo, Mexico- A man claiming to have the world's longest actually a fraud.


54-year-old Robert Esquivel Cabrera has been Internet famous for the past few years thanks to his MASSIVE JUNK. He claimed it was 18.9 inches, and was so big that it made it impossible for him to work.

Cabrera recently saw a new doctor to have it examined. And, it turns out that reports of his size were GREATLY exaggerated.

A CT scan showed that Cabrera's "appendage" is really only about seven inches (above average but not record-breaking). Dr. Roberto Muro says "the rest of the tissue found there is just foreskin, blood vessels, and some inflammation of the skin." According to Dr. Muro, Cabrera had been stretching his penis with weights since he was a teen. [The Sun]

A man lying about the size of his junk? Say it ain't so!

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