Way more than just a condiment, it helps ward off evildoers, too! This is "Crappy News" for Monday, June 11th.

Lowell, IN- Authorities are trying to track down a missing marsupial.

Lucas Dawson/Getty Images

A wallaby escaped from a traveling petting zoo and has yet to return.

The petting zoo's owner called a veterinarian to come out and inoculate his emus, ducks and chicken. At some point Wednesday morning, the wallaby got loose and ran away. A witness posted a video of the mischievous marsupial wandering down a nearby road.

The wallaby is a cousin to the kangaroo and native of Australia, which can grow to about three-and-a-half feet in length and weigh up to 53 pounds. The animal is unlikely to cause harm to humans. [Northwest Indiana Times]

Clearwater, FL- This guy had an interesting reason to protect himself...

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23-year-old Travis Byerly from Danville, Kentucky, was pulled over last week. Byerly had his license suspended in April due to a drunk driving charge, and as police were questioning him, an officer found a hatchet hidden between the door and the driver's seat.

When asked about the hatchet, Byerly told police he brought it to defend himself from "scum bags in Florida."

He was arrested and charged with driving on a suspended license and carrying a concealed weapon. No word on if he encountered any scum bags. [The Smoking Gun]

Florida definitely has a reputation for having the DUMBEST criminals in the country. So...I can definitely see where this guy was coming from...

Murfreesboro, TN- A man saved his wife's life...with ketchup.

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Shalonda Shepard started banging on her neighbors' door in the middle of the night on May 31st. A married couple answered the door, and Shepard allegedly threw a bowl of sugar over both of them. Shepard then took out a steak knife and started stabbing the woman.

The husband ran inside to grab something to stop her.  He returned with a bottle of ketchup and began squirting it at Shepard, which caused her to stop the attack. She left the apartment and threatened to come back and "take care of them in the morning."

The man's wife was treated for cuts and lacerations at the hospital. Shepard was charged with criminal trespass and aggravated assault. [Daily News Journal]

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