In today's installment of we-never-thought-we-would-be-writing-this news, Mila Kunis has been served a lawsuit by an old childhood friend who alleges the star stole her chicken.

We know what you're thinking: How does Mila even have time to run around stealing chickens considering she's currently raising an infant with Ashton Kutcher? And anyway, why would Mila need to steal anything? Here's your answer: Mila allegedly committed the chicken theft 25 years ago.

TMZ reports that Kristina Karo, who says she and Mila were besties back in the day, claims that when they were kids in Ukraine, Mila harbored strong attachment to Kristina's chicken. Kristina allegedly compared Mila's love for the chicken to the love most people feel for their pet dogs, which is fitting because apparently the chicken's name was "Doggie."

TMZ's story alleges that one day Doggie went missing from Kristina's farm — and Mila confessed to the crime, allegedly saying, "Kristina, you can have any other chicken as a pet, you have a whole chicken farm."

Kristina has reportedly moved to L.A. to pursue a singing career, and TMZ reports that proximity to her former best friend — who now happens to be a big Hollywood star — has brought back all the bad memories of the chicken stealing. The memories have reportedly landed Kristina in therapy. She hopes to be awarded $5,000 in the name of emotional distress.

It's also worth noting that Kristina has a song called "Give Me Green Card." You can watch the video for it here. 

Mila, however, has spoken out against the bizarre accusation in a video with Ashton Kutcher. Ashton points out that the accuser would have been a month old at the time, which would render the situation nearly impossible. Mila then denies ever stealing the chicken, joking, “I was devastated, I was weeping, I was dumbfounded… I was like, which chicken did I steal?" You can check out that video over at PEOPLE.