Moron Hospitalized For Getting His Junk Stuck In A Wrench

EVEN MORE proof that men will put their junk in anything. Here's 'Crappy News' for Tuesday, February 28th.

Bearspaw, Alberta, Canada- A deadbeat dad was finally caught...because of cherries?

64-year-old Joseph Stroup, who had been living in Canada under the alias "Joop Cousteau," was detained on February 15th.

Back in November, Stroup was at a bar and ordered a cherry Coke with eight maraschino cherries. A short time later, he complained that he'd broken his tooth on a cherry pit--which was suspicious, since maraschinos don't have pits. The manager Googled "Joop Cousteau" and found a Facebook page started by one of Stoup's sons. He also found a link to U.S. government website that listed Stroup as its #1 most wanted deadbeat dad.

The man called police, they coordinated with the FBI and U.S. Marshals, and Stroup was arrested. Now he'll be facing a trial for violating child support. Stroup had been on the run for 20 YEARS and owes more than $560,000. [CBC]

Sheboygan, WI- An actor led police on a high-speed chase...so he wouldn't miss his performance.

I hope he had an understudy.

61-year-old David Neese was stopped for a headlight violation earlier this month. The officer ran his information and realized Neese had a warrant for theft. Cops tried to arrest Neese but he sped away.

Neese later tried to negotiate with police, telling them he was starring in a play the following day, and he would turn himself in following the performance. The cops didn't oblige and arrested him. [FOX 6 - Milwaukee]

As a semi-retired community theatre actor...I admire that man's commitment. THAT is dedication to the role.

Newport, South Wales- The local fire & rescue team issued a safety warning after helping a man remove a tool from his tool.

More evidence that if the hole is big enough...SOME dude will try to fit his "little dude" inside it.

The (hopefully embarrassed) victim had called for help last Wednesday after getting his genitals stuck in a ring spanner. Crews needed to use a CUTTING TOOL to--ahem--withdraw the man's member.

The fire department tweeted a reminder to the public: "If you're using tools, make sure you're handling as the manufacturer recommends." The rescue service also joked that the victim "took tightening nuts to a new level." [BBC News]

Keep this guy away from Lowe's, Harbor Freight and Home Depot and get him a DATE.

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