I've NEVER gotten this much pleasure from walking. This is 'Crappy News' for Thursday, August 3rd...

New Holland, PA- A man threatened to kill a Wendy's employee...because of a salad.

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58-year-old Theodore Gunderson threw his salad the clerk behind the counterbecause it didn't have enough cucumbers. Then, he told the employee "If I had a gun or a knife, you would be the first to go."

Police confronted Gunderson in the parking lot, and he refused to leave his car. Gunderson then began to drive away while an officer was trying to reach inside. Gunderson was arrested and charged with aggravated assault, terroristic threats, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct. [Lancaster Online]

The customer is always right? No! Sometimes the customer is a complete nutcase.

Orlando, FL- A mall brawl was caused by free lipstick.

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MAC Cosmetics was holding a promotion last Saturday to celebrate National Lipstick Day, which is totally a legit holiday. MAC was giving away one free tube of lipstick to Macy's customers while supplies lasted.

A group of women cut in line, which is something you just don't do when others have been waiting HOURS ahead of you. Tempers flared, and a fight broke out inside the mall. Police say several women were involved in the fracas. It's unclear if they received any free lipstick. [Orlando Sentinel]

Everybody loves free stuff, myself included. But if you don't have $18 to spend, you probably shouldn't be at the mall to start with.

Bergen County, NJ- A man was arrested for walking on the side of the highway.

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Police found 39-year-old Stephen Kurkowiak wandering on the side of the Interstate Monday afternoon. Oh...and he was totally nude. Oh...and he was using an adult toy on himself. Oh...and he wasn't using it on his "front parts." When he saw the cops coming towards him, Kurkowiak yanked the toy out and tossed it over his shoulder.

Kurkowiak--who was pleasuring himself in view of passing cars--was also in possession of a digital camera. He admitted to police that he liked to get naked and was planning on filming himself.

Kurkowiak was arrested and charged with lewdness. [The Smoking Gun]

Could you imagine being the cop that had to bag that toy into evidence? I'd offer to buy the donuts for a year before doing that...

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