This makes the "my dog ate my homework" excuse seem pretty convincing. Here's "Crappy News" for Tuesday, April 17th.

Myrtle Beach, SC- A man's plan LITERALLY went up in flames.

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37-year-old Bernard Jackson recently got evicted from his house. And when the cops tried to kick him out last week, it started a four-hour standoff. He refused to come out, so a SWAT team had to go in and get him.

Once they were inside, they smelled gasoline. Jackson tried to hold the agents off by setting his stairs on fire.

But in doing so, he accidentally set his FEET on fire, too.  And the burns were bad enough that he decided to surrender. Jackson is charged with second-degree arson, resisting arrest and trespassing. [Myrtle Beach Online]

Lacey, WA- Cleanup crews had a very messy job to complete last week.

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A manure truck overturned and spilled its--contents--onto a busy roadway on Thursday.

Police say the truck had a mechanical failure causing the trailer to dislodge and dump its load onto a roundabout. A bulldozer was brought in to scrape up the steaming piles of waste and put them in another dump truck.

Nobody was injured in the wreck, and the intersection was open after a few hours. [KOMO-TV]

I just hope nobody was driving with their windows down.

Pilar, Argentina- Eight police officers have been dismissed after the disappearance of 1,000 pounds of marijuana.

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The discrepancy was discovered by police during a drug warehouse inspection. 6,000 kilograms of kush had been in storage for the last two years, but only about 5,400 kilos could be accounted for. Former police commissioner Javier Specia was questioned, and said that hungry mice had eaten the missing pot. All 1,000 POUNDS of it.

Forensic experts debunked Specia's explanation, saying that mice would not mistake marijuana for food. Specia and three of his subordinates are due in court May 4th. [The Guardian]

If you give a mouse a cookie, he'll want a glass of milk. If you give a mouse half a ton of weed, he'll want three triple cheeseburgers, seven Slim Jims and a bag of Fritos.

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