If you're not the wife of an accountant Rihanna's plotting to kill (may God have mercy on her soul...), being the superstar's captive sort of sounds aces.

The singer, whose dark, bloody "Bitch Better Have my Money" video began terrorizing viewers this morning (July 2), recently partnered with TIDAL to faux-kidnap her fans (naturally). In the video above, a group of avowed Rihanna Navy members are blindfolded, packed into a bus and...ushered to the video's exclusive premiere? If this is capture-protocol, we'll gladly bind and gag ourselves in preparation.

The group is apprehensive at first ("We have no idea what we're waiting for," one RiRi supporter notes as he awaits what's behind the curtain), but they all oblige, anyway. After finally arriving at the Bob Baker Marionette Theater, they're greeted by dangling skeletons in neon party hats, a series of twinkling stars and, of course, Rihanna, who thanks them for coming and eagerly shares her new short film.

"I'm coming to mingle with you, by the way," she mentions in a last note. ABDUCTIONS ARE SIMPLY THE BEST!

Finally, Rihanna kisses cheeks, autographs biceps and shares some laughs with her fans. In other words, they experience the total inverse of the "BBHMM" victims, one of whom got a bottle cracked over her head in the name of collections.

Check out the video for a meet-and-greet for the ages, and if you're experienced the glory that is meeting Rihanna in person, feel free to share your encounter in the comments.