Remind me again...who's the adult and who are the children? This is "Crappy News" for Monday, May 7th.

Brooklyn, NY- A Colombian vet has been busted for SERIOUSLY abusing his position.

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38-year-old Andres Lopez Elorez has been accused of conspiring to import and distribute heroin into the United States. That's shady enough on its own, but it's HOW this happened that's pretty shocking.

Elorez has been charged with surgically implanting packets of drugs into the bellies of puppies. The DEA says that the dogs, mostly purebreds including Labradors, had their stomachs cut open and liquid packages of heroin stitched into them.

The investigation dates back to 2005. Elorez could serve life in prison if convicted. [Reuters]

Anybody going to argue with that? Anybody? Didn't think so.

Aurora, CO- A woman blew up a microwave...trying to heat up PEE.

26-year-old Angelique Sanchez was applying for a job at a health clinic. And drug testing was one of the conditions for employment.

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Sanchez must have expected to fail the test, so she got a hold of somebody else's pee. She knew the sample had to be at body temperature, so Sanchez stopped at 7-Eleven to warm it up in the microwave.

Well, the experiment failed, and the microwave EXPLODED. The clerk noticed yellow liquid dripping from the microwave and asked Sanchez to clean it up. She quickly wiped up the pee and left the store.

The clerk called police, and they found Sanchez at the job interview across the street. [NBC 9 - Denver]

Spoiler alert: She didn't get the job.

Holmdel, NJ- Police have identified a high school's mystery pooper.

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Authorities say Holmdel High School staff were finding fresh feces on a daily basis near the school's athletic fields. After monitoring the area, employees pinpointed the pooper as 42-year-old Thomas Tramaglini...who happens to be the superintendent of a rival school district.

It's unclear as to the motive--I'm assuming it has to do with school pride?--and Tramaglini has been placed on paid administrative leave. He faces charges of defecating in public, lewdness...and littering. [UPI]

I guess this was his way of saying the school was #2.

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