Scientists Warn About Killer Monkey Herpes

This isn't a sci-fi movie. This is very real. Here's "Crappy News" for Friday, January 4th, 2019.

Lexington, KY- Police are mourning the loss...of a doughnut truck.

A Krispy Kreme truck caught on fire New Year's Eve while driving on a local highway. A witness captured video from the scene showing flames and smoke pouring from the truck.

Officers arrived and confirmed that a shipment of doughnuts had been inside.

The police department tweeted photos of officers paying respect to the fallen doughnuts by feigning tears, leading to supportive replies from other departments. [NBC Lexington / UPI]

I'd be devastated, too.

The Netherlands- A shipping firm has apologized after three urns containing human ashes were found washed ashore.

A 14-year-old boy discovered one of them while beachcombing with his dad, and initially thought it was used to hide drugs.

The lids of the three urns had been stamped with the dates of birth, death and cremation of the deceased, and marked “For Collection” from a German mortuary nearly 500 miles away.

Trip Scheepvaart, the company charged with transporting the remains, said that the urns were intended to be used in a marine funeral but fell overboard. A company spokesperson said an employee was holding a wet box containing the urns and and accidentally let it slip over the railing in the ship.

No word yet on if any charges will be filed. [UPI]

Marion County, FL- Researchers are warning about the potential of killer monkey herpes. Seriously.

The rhesus macaque carries a herpes virus that is deadly to humans and can be spread through a bite, scratch, or--yes--a fling of poop.

Steve Johnson, a wildlife expert at the University of Florida, has studied the monkeys for years and predicts that the macaque population could double by 2022. Johnson also warns that "continual growth of that population is going to occur without intervention."

This strain of herpes can cause a flu-like illness that can progress to neurological problems, such as double vision and paralysis, and eventually lead to death.

Because the macaques are not shy around people, the health risks have been amplified. [WFTV]

Of course this would happen in Florida.