He obviously skipped over the whole 'Ten Commandments' section. This is "Crappy News" for Thursday, August 16th.

Bradenton, FL- Cops found some bizarre items in a teen's purse.

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18-year-old Willie Edwards was pulled over for driving an unregistered vehicle.

Before being booked, police searched Edwards' handbag and found two cans of pepper spray as well as two cans...of fart spray.

It's unsure as to why Edwards had the fart spray (or needed a SECOND can of it), but officers seized the cans and marked them for "safekeeping." [The Smoking Gun]

Mace AND stink spray? I guess you have to fend off attackers any way you can. Or you're just playing an awful practical joke.

United Kingdom- A woman had a wayward contact lens removed from her eye...27 years later.

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The 42-year-old was experiencing pain and swelling in her upper left eyelid and went to the doctor to get it checked out. She underwent an MRI and the doctor discovered a cyst above her eye. The surgeon cut it open and found a contact lens--slightly chipped, but otherwise intact--encapsulated by tissue.

The patient's mom remembered her being hit in the left eye while playing badminton when she was 14. She wore rigid contacts at the time, and the contact in the injured eye was never found, and the woman didn't have any symptoms, so her family assumed the contact had simply flown out of her eye. [CNN Health]

I'm glad I don't need to wear contacts, because this is the kind of thing that would probably happen to me.

Wichita Falls, TX- A shoplifter returned to the scene of the crime to get his bible back.

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27-year-old Joshua Wilhoit was caught trying to steal a bunch of stuff from Walmart last Wednesday night. He tossed everything into a bag and tried to leave...but store security seized the bag and Wilhoit took off.

In his haste, Wilhoit also left his bible in the bag...so he ran back inside the store to grab it. He was able to retrieve it, but police tracked him down at a nearby Panda Express.

Merchandise found in Wilhoit's bag included clothing, food and electronics...worth a whopping $108.32. He was arrested for misdemeanor theft. [Times Record News]

I'm glad he went back for the Bible...because he clearly needs to read it more.

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