I think these two are beyond couples counseling after this. It's 'Crappy News' for Friday, August 18th.

Ft. Myers, FL- The stress of sending kids back to school was apparently too much for this mom.

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39-year-old Christina Hester was waiting to pick up her kid from middle school Tuesday afternoon. While she was in line, she decided to snort one.

A school resource officer spotted Hester using her cell phone screen to cut cocaine and confronted her. The officer asked Hester to go inside the school while he searched her vehicle. Hester was arrested and charged with possession of half a gram of cocaine. [NBC 2]

She likely isn't winning "Mom of the Year," but she's a strong contender for "Most Likely to Have a Child That Uses Drugs."

Sileby, England- A park bathroom was just shut down because too much freaky stuff was going down inside...

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People had reported finding men's and women's underwear, along with--ahem--"used" carrots in and around the facility.

The public toilets are close to a nursery and officials were concerned that young children could possibly walk in on the acts. They decided closing the toilets would be more effective than having cops patrol the area 24/7. [Loughborough Echo]

Seems like the right decision. But seriously...carrots? People are strange.

Key West, FL- A male stripper has been arrested for attacking his lover.

24-year-old Justin Calhoun and 67-year-old Marc Brann got into an argument after Calhoun accused Brann of being a cannibal.

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Brann grabbed a gun and the two started struggling. Nobody was shot, but Calhoun managed to stab his partner in BOTH EYES with a pen before stuffing a piece of wood in his mouth. He then removed a dresser drawer and struck Brann in the face with it.

Calhoun tried to escape from Brann's home by jumping out of a window...totally nude. He avoided police by jumping fences and climbing on rooftops before finally being arrested. Calhoun faces attempted murder charges; his partner is at the hospital in critical condition. [NBC Miami]

There's sooooo many weird things with this story: the 43-year age difference, the nude police chase--oh, and THINKING YOUR BOYFRIEND EATS PEOPLE.

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