That's going be a VERY messy crime scene. This is 'Crappy News' for Friday, February 9th.

Moundville, AL- A man attacked his roommate for crimes against cereal.

Getty Images

52-year-old Duane Smith beat up his roommate after discovering that the victim had failed to properly seal a box of Cap’n Crunch.

Smith yelled that he has missing teeth, so it's hard eating stale cereal. Smith then demanded that his roommate remove his dentures so that he could experience how hard it was to consume the Cap'n Crunch. When the man refused, Smith allegedly began striking the victim with an electrical cord.

The roommate suffered injuries to his face, hand, and arm. Smith was arrested for domestic violence. [The Smoking Gun]

I'm kind of with him on this one, though. Don't waste cereal!

Lancaster, PA- A thief was identified by perhaps the worst sketch ever.

The suspect was accused of stealing cash from a farmer's market last Tuesday.

Photo: Lancaster (PA) Police Dept.

Not too many people could describe him, but one witness offered to try to draw a sketch of the suspect. Unfortunately, that witness was absolutely terrible at drawing, so the end result was this hilariously bad cartoon version of the thief's face (which is still better than what I could do).

However, one of the detectives thought he might have a hunch who it was. So he put together a photo lineup for the witness to look through, and they identified the suspect as 44-year-old Hung Nguyen.

Nguyen is still wanted by police, charged with counts of misdemeanor theft. [PennLive]

Seriously...if that guy gets arrested because of THIS sketch...you have to hire that witness, right?

Essex, England- A suspect accused of swallowing drugs has still yet to...pass...them.

Thinkstock

The 24-year-old man was arrested on January 17th (!) and has been on a self-imposed bathroom strike ever since.

The man has been kept under watch while in jail and has received daily "medical assessments." On Twitter, the team has been providing daily updates using the hashtag #poowatch.

Unless there's been an update, this will be day 23. [BBC]

Eventually, something has to give, and I'd hate to be within 500 feet of that guy when he finally does let it loose. What's that blast radius going to look like? And who is going to get stuck cleaning it all up?

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