Hitching a ride on the back of a truck would've been easier than this. Here's "Crappy News" for Thursday, August 9th, 2018.

Yakima, WA- Police responded to quite the s----y situation.

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32-year-old Marlowe Olney refused to pull over after a patrol car spotted him running a stop sign.

The routine traffic stop turned into a high-speed chase, which ended when Olney lost control and crashed his car into someone's house.

Olney then got out of the car and tried to escape on foot. When questioned by police...he said that he couldn't stop...because he really had to poop.

Obviously a bathroom emergency doesn't qualify as a REAL emergency, so he also claimed he couldn't stop because his car didn't have brakes. Police didn't buy it and Olney was arrested.

Hopefully he was able to use the john at the police station. [KIMA-TV]

West Palm Beach, FL- A man nearly electrocuted himself to death...by practicing his parkour.

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Police say the unidentified man, along with two other people, were downtown last week scouting locations to train for parkour--which, if you don't know, includes running, climbing and jumping off random stuff.

Police said the three subjects scaled a metal pipe at the rear of a building and gained access to the roof. Once there, the victim tried to climb a utility pole when he accidentally touched a live wire and received 7,620 volts of electricity throughout his body.

The man's friends reported seeing an explosion and bright white light before finding the victim unresponsive in an alley. There's no word on his condition. [WPTV]

I'd be SHOCKED if he tries that again.

Texarkana, AR- Police arrested a teen after he tried STEALING A PLANE to fly to a rap concert.

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Airport security spotted 18-year-old Zemarcius Scott hop a fence and enter an American Eagle twin-engine jet. When cops arrived, they found Scott sitting in the cockpit of the plane trying to get it ready for takeoff.

He allegedly told police he thought it would be easy to fly the plane, because he didn't believe there was much more to it than pushing buttons and pulling levers.

Scott has been charged with felony counts of commercial burglary and attempted theft of property with a value greater than $25,000. Both charges come with a max sentence of 10 years in prison. [Texarkana Gazette]

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