My apologies if you have one of these names. This isn't just me rattling off names of women who've done me wrong -- that's a whole different list. I joked on Facebook that this was "science", and I wasn't far off.

Apparently these were researched through results for women accused of stalking, domestic issues and other crimes of odd women passion and looked for commonalities in the names.

I've included semi-satirical observations with the list.


1. Ashley: Prominent Examples: Ashley Judd, Ashley Olsen, Ashlee Simpson

The craziest name of all is apparently Ashley, a common name in modern times that can be associated with young celebrities. As with all of these names, odd spellings tends to correlate with craziness (see Ashlee Simpson) and in my experience, Ashleys tend to be girls that enjoy the party scene.


2. Melissa: Prominent examples: Melissa McCarthy, Melissa Etheridge, Melissa Joan Hart, Melissa Rivers

Melissas in and of themselves aren't half bad. I used to date a Melissa, and if she didn't want to go into the Army (completely different career/life path than me) she was wifey material. She in fact may be the only woman I've ever been romantically involved with that ended amicably. If they go by the name “Missy”, however, all bets are off. Missys are the kind of women that you went to high school with who tried to out drink the football players and took off her shirt every Friday night in the parking lot.


3. Shannon: Prominent Examples: Shannon Elizabeth, Shannon Tweed

Shannons are generally good people, the type of women that you love to hang out with, but they are known to be promiscuous.


4. Allison: Prominent Examples: Allison Janney

A basic rule about Allisons…two “L”s they were normal…one “L” crazy. Usually the farther one deviates from he actual name the less stable they were. The fact there are so few famous Allisons means they're fairly anonymous people, and people in general do NOT like to be ignored.


5. Rebecca: Prominent Examples: Rebecca Romijn, Rebecca Lobo, Rebecca Black

Rebeccas aren't bad; they give off a wholesome, country girl vibe that definitely works in Iowa. But like with “Missy”, there is no doubt that a “Becky” is certifiably insane. Becky is the type to slash your tires, go through your phone and pour a drink on you in public..


6. Mary: Prominent Examples: Mary Poppins, Mary Magdalene, Mary Lou Retton, Mary Todd Lincoln, Mary J Blige, Mary Kate Olsen, Mary Tyler Moore

Marys tend to come in three names, which is common to married women who don't want to surrender their last well as serial killers. I had the biggest, hugest, insanest crush on a Mary in college. She told me I wasn't good enough for her. The fact that she was right (she's a doctor and I'm a radio personality who admitted on "Confession Wednesday" to having a credit score lower than my IQ) only makes her more pathological.


7. Christina: Prominent Examples: Christina Aguilera, Christina Milan, Christina Ricci, Christina Applegate

The life of the party is always named Christina, or its party derivative “Kristi” (if it is spelled Christy, you are safe). Christinas are prone to bursts of manic behavior, screaming fits and large weight swings. Meanwhile Kristis are prone to twerking, body shots and cheating with your boyfriend. Christina is the only name on the list that produces two equally crazy forms, but with varying attributes. Tinas (like Tina Fey) are a-ok.


8. Stephanie: Prominent Examples: Stephanie McMahon, Stephanie Seymour, Stephanie Pratt

I cannot think of anything interesting to say about Stephanie. I'm sure someone with that name will make me pay for saying that.


9. Victoria: Prominent Examples: Victoria Azarenka, Victoria Jackson, Victoria Principal, Victoria Beckham

Victorias initially start as fun and usually shorten their name to Vicki or Vicky. Vickis (or Vickie) are fun girls who have bubbly personalities, like to go to laugh and look great in a bikini. But then they get older, become more serious and go back to Victoria, at which point they are planning on doing something psycho to you. Victorias tend to have a screw loose and if you date one, do so in their Vickie stage, and way before the return to Victoria starts to make things scary. Queen Victoria used to have people beheaded. 'Nuff Said.


10. Kelly: Prominent Examples: Kelly Kapowski, Kelly Bundy, Kelly Rowland, Kelly Kelly

Kellys are beautiful and the apples of everyone’s eye. Everyone fell in love with Kelly Kapowski and wished they had a fling with Kelly Bundy. Kelly Kelly was a ridiculously gorgeous WWE diva. It's a red flag if most of the famous examples of Kelly are fictitious people. Men are putty in the hands of a Kelly -- they know it too -- and there is little we can do about it.


11. Tiffany: Prominent Examples: Tiffany, Tiffani Amber-Thiessen

Search “famous Tiffanys” on Google and you find that there are almost none that aren’t models/adult stars. Try right now and think of a Tiffany. Unless you know my friends’ wives, you are thinking of a blond girl who is tan, cheerleaded (cheerled?) in high school, and has done things her parents should not know about. Wild and emotional…which can in the right setting provide plenty of crazy as well.


12. Elizabeth: Prominent Examples: Elizabeth Taylor, Elizabeth Hurley, Elizabeth Berkley, Miss Elizabeth, Queen Elizabeth, Elizabeth Dole

Elizabeth is a sneaky name…it sounds dignified and proper, likely owing to the great Queen who spawned so many imitators. But like Queen Elizabeth, there is a dark side that can often lead her to have people killed at a whim and follow odd life paths that take them into bad marriages and making “Showgirls.” Every Elizabeth I have known was striking upon meeting and very impressive. However under that layer were traits that bordered on bizarre. The jury is still out on Liz and Beth.


13. Heather: Prominent Examples: Heather Graham, Heather Locklear, Heather Cox

You know women are insane when they make a movie about just how crazy girls with that name can be. “Heathers” showcased three rich, pretty girls that the school hated for being mean and insane and in real life, Heathers often follow the script. A Heather is the kind of person who will leave fifteen messages on your phone in 25 minutes, while at the same time telling all her friends that she has no interest in you. If you ever find yourself dating a Heather, make sure you have a password she does not know, or just expect your friends to wake up one day with text messages from your phone talking about what a terrible person you are and how you did her wrong (not that I would know anything about that…asking for a friend)


14. Andrea: Prominent Examples: Andrea Mitchell, Andrea Kremer, Andrea Barton

Mostly for Andi.


15. Lindsey: Prominent Examples: Lindsay Lohan, Lindsay Davenport, Lindsay Czarniak

You didn’t think we could get through this list without a Lindsay did you? In addition to the craziest celebrity walking the streets of Hollywood not named Amanda Bynes, every single one of you under the age of 40 has either dated, or knows someone who has dated a Lindsay that is absolutely certifiably insane. Lindsay is rehab crazy and no matter how much fun she is to be around, she isn’t worth the drama.



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