Halloween gives you the chance to transform yourself. You can be something spooky, something gross or something funny. You could even dress up as something naughty--I'm looking at you, Sexy Nurse, Sexy Teacher, and Sexy Kitten.

Or, you could even go a step (or five) further, and paint your backside to look like a JACK-O-LANTERN. In case you were unaware...this is a real trend. People are painting sparkly, glittery pumpkins on their butts for Halloween. For example:

Okay...I have several issues with this.

#1. Instagram allows THESE butts to be posted online, but not regular butts, which just seems strange.

#2. You probably aren't going to be displaying this in public (other than social media), so it seems like an awful lot of work for a minimal payoff.

#3. Glitter is itchy AF. The pumpkin booty ISN'T cute when you're scratching it all night.

#4. What happens if you fart..or WORSE?

#5. I feel like this would create a major "pH balance" situation, if you get my drift.

#6. Somebody missed a golden opportunity to call them "rumpkins."

As a dude, I love sexy Halloween costumes as much as anybody, but this is a Halloween trend I just can't get behind. Yup, that was a butt joke.

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