Unfortunately, the fantasy is never as good as reality. This is 'Crappy News' for Monday, July 31st.

Elizabeth, NJ- A security guard stole $100,000...during his first day on the job.

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19-year-old Larry Brooks was hired as a security guard for an armored car company. Brooks was caught on video taking $100,000 from the truck during his VERY FIRST SHIFT Tuesday night.

Police found $86,000 of the stolen cash inside Brooks' vehicle and he was arrested for theft. Cops are still investigating what happened to the rest of the money. [NJ.com]

Maybe if he had just waited 'til his second day, he might've figured out where the cameras were...

South Yorkshire, England- A man is lucky to be alive after wrecking a rare sports car.

Ablestock.com

The man purchased a limited edition Ferrari F430 Scuderia on Thursday...and barely got to drive it. The guy took his new wheels out on the highway (because, seriously...who WOULDN'T try to see how fast the thing goes?) and through some combination of recklessness and slick road conditions, the Ferrari careened off the road and fell about 50 meters down an embankment before catching on fire.

Somehow...the driver managed to escape the wreck with just cuts and bruises, but his car was totaled just ONE HOUR after buying it. An F430 Scuderia costs approximately $288,000 and only 500 of them were ever made. [Art Of Gears]

I bet his insurance company was absolutely THRILLED.

Bad Breisig, Germany- Chances are, you've heard about someone injuring themselves during "adult time" ... but I bet this story tops it.

Thinkstock

A man and two women were having a threesome on an apartment balcony last week, and that's about where the "Hell Yeah" part of the fantasy ends. Because they were in a tight space--no pun intended--there were some "positioning" issues. Just as one of the ladies was climaxing...she fell off the balcony, breaking bones in her legs and feet when she landed.

The other woman tried to run downstairs to help her, but SHE slipped and suffered broken bones in her arms and neck. Both of the women were still nude when they were taken to the hospital.

Police said no charges will be filed and the names and ages of the victims “will not be released to spare their embarrassment.” [The Irish Sun]

Probably wouldn't want Mom & Dad to find out about this one...

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