Every man should have a wife like this! Here's 'Crappy News' for Wednesday, August 6th.

Seymour, CT- A guy's girlfriend got him arrested without even realizing it.


20-year-old Steven Gomez-Maya was busted for bank robbery last month, just hours after committing the crime.

Gomez-Maya handed the teller a note demanding $5,000. But...Gomez-Maya had written the note on the back of his girlfriend's pay stub. Police drove to the girlfriend's address and found Gomez-Maya trying to leave in his car. He's being charged with first-degree robbery. [New Haven Independent]

Some criminals are a danger to society. He's just a danger to the gene pool...

Bristol, England- This could be the weirdest Tinder date ever...which is saying A LOT.


A guy named Liam Smith met up with a girl last month. It went well and she wound up going back to his place. Later on in the night, his lady friend freaked out after using the bathroom. She told him she'd POOPED...but the toilet wouldn't flush...so she tried to throw it out the window. However, the window was double-paned and the poo got stuck.

The girl panicked and became trapped while trying to crawl between windows to retrieve it. Smith had to call the fire department to break the glass and get her out. Smith has started a GoFundMe page to raise money for the repairs.

Despite the awkward conclusion to the night, Smith said he and the girl have already had a second date. [Bristol Post]

That's gonna be an excellent story to tell the grandkids.

Windermere, FL- A husband and wife were arrested in connection with a burglary.

Design Pics

Video showed two men, one of whom was armed with a rifle, entering the home and stealing a 65" television, a laptop and five computer monitors. One of the suspects identified was 32-year-old John Fitzpatrick. Officers interviewed his wife, 25-year-old Suzy Fitzpatrick, and she gave a--detailed--explanation.

She told police that her husband wasn't involved in the burglary...because they were at a SWINGERS club that night.

Mrs. Fitzpatrick later changed her story, saying that her husband was kidnapped after their romp at the club and FORCED to participate in the crime. After being caught up in two lies, the pair was arrested for armed burglary and grand theft. [ClickOrlando.com]

You've got to LOVE her alibi, though. "No, sir. There's no way he could have done it, we were WAY too busy having sex with strangers that night." That is a ride-or-die chick.

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