I always miss these things when I go to Walmart. I just get lots of Crocs and sweatpants. This is "Crappy News" for Monday, 1/14/19.

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil- A guy definitely messed with the wrong woman.

Polyana Viana (right)/Photo: Joe Scarnici, Getty Images

27-year-old Polyana Viana was waiting for an Uber outside of her apartment last week when a man sat next to her and tried to steal her phone. The man then allegedly threatened her with a gun.

Viana realized the weapon was fake, so she subdued the suspect with a series of punches and kicks, followed by a rear-naked choke. Turns out that Viana is a professional MMA fighter for UFC. Viana asked witnesses to call police, and she maintained an armbar on the man until cops arrived.

After leaving the police station on Saturday, Viana said she went home and made dinner. [MMA Junkie]

That guy is probably eating dinner through a straw.

Roanoke County, VA- A man checked something odd off his bucket list.

EuToch

24-year-old Dejuane Wilson led police on a high-speed chase through three counties on Wednesday. An officer began pursuing Wilson's Chevy Camaro after catching him speeding in a construction zone.

Wilson refused to stop and the chase continued for approximately 35 miles before Wilson finally pulled over. At one point police recorded Wilson's car traveling 130 miles per hour. He told authorities that "it was his lifelong dream to run from police."

Wilson has been charged with eluding police, and more charges could be pending. [Roanoke Times]

Honestly, I think a high-speed chase would be fun. The jail time and the fine I'd have to pay? Not so much.

Wichita Falls, TX- A woman had an interesting day at Walmart.

Getty Images

Police responded to a call around 9:00 a.m. Friday after a report of a suspicious person in the store's parking lot. The woman was reportedly riding on an electric shopping cart. Officers were also told she was drinking wine from a Pringles can.

Police say the woman had been drinking and riding the scooter in the parking lot for about two and a half hours. Authorities tracked the woman to a nearby restaurant where she was told she'd been barred from the Walmart store.  [Times Record News]

I usually try to avoid Walmart like the plague...but this would've been a treat to see.

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