If all else fails...she has an amazing future as a circus performer. This is "Crappy News" for Wednesday, October 17th.

Montgomery County, TX- A man accidentally blew up his house trying to get rid of some creepy crawlies.

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Police learned the man was trying to "decontaminate himself of bugs" by spraying himself with brake cleaner fluid. He then attempted to vacuum the bigs off his body.

A spark from the vacuum ignited the cleaning fumes and caused an explosion inside his home.

Firefighters found the man naked, with second and third-degree burns over most of his body. The victim was taken to the hospital in critical condition. It's uncertain if he was under the influence of alcohol or drugs, or if the bugs even existed at all. [KHOU-TV]

United Kingdom- National officials are trying to fight obesity...by shrinking pizzas.

Jeff Schear/Getty Images for Pizza Hut

Government plans to cap the calories in thousands of meals sold in restaurants and supermarkets, and pizza is one of the casualties.

Under the new guidelines a standard pizza for one should contain no more than 928 calories. Public health officials say that could result in "less meat on a pizza, it could mean less cheese, it could mean a smaller size. Consumers are saying they want smaller portions and healthier options."

There is also a proposal to ban TV commercials for unhealthy foods before 9:00 p.m. [Telegraph]

"Healthier options" and "pizza" don't belong in the same sentence. Don't @ me.

Largo, FL- A woman came up with an--unconventional--way to hide evidence.

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52-year-old Dariel Hutton was being questioned by police Friday night. During the interview she started digging through her purse when one of the officers noticed a crack pipe with "burnt residue" inside.

Before cops could grab it, Hutton made a snap decision--she put the crack pipe in her mouth, CHEWED the glass, and swallowed it.

Hutton was arrested for multiple charges, including resisting arrest, felony narcotics possession and felony evidence tampering. [The Smoking Gun]

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