You likely won't find this house on Zillow. This is "Crappy News" for Monday, April 2nd.

Hoboken, NJ- A man's "beer belly" turned to be a life-threatening tumor.

63-year-old Kevin Daly lost a lot of weight following open heart surgery in 2015.

But when his stomach didn’t deflate, he wondered if something else was causing his problems.

Daly convinced his doctor to perform a CAT scan, which revealed an enormous beach ball-sized tumor in his abdomen. Daly was diagnosed with liposarcoma — a cancer that develops in the fat cells of soft tissue.

Surgeons removed the tumor, which weighed close to 30 POUNDS. Doctors estimate it took between 10 to 15 years for the mass to reach its astonishing size. The cancer was difficult to detect because it hadn't caused any other symptoms in Daly's body. [New York Post]

Groton, CT- A "loss prevention" officer was just busted for shoplifting.

37-year-old Janise Gabco-Boles allegedly embezzled more than $55,000 from the Kohl's store where she worked.

Thinkstock

Gabco-Boles was getting cash for merchandise she claimed had been bought earlier and was being returned. Police traced 135 fraudulent returns to Gabco-Boles between March 2016 & December 2017.

Officers say she searched Kohl’s nationwide records for goods such as jewelry and electronics bought from stores in different states, printed the store’s copy of the receipt and used it to get cash.

Gabco-Boles is also suspected of tampering with store surveillance cameras, which CONVENIENTLY had a glitch every time she was returning the stolen stuff. She was arrested in January and pleaded not guilty to larceny charges last week. [The Bulletin]

Aquinnah, MA- A woman has accused a former tenant of filming adult movies in her home.

Leah Bassett says she was unaware that her house was meant to be used for "porn production purposes" when she rented it out in 2014.

Thinkstock

Bassett says the filmmakers used "nearly every room of her home," including her bedrooms, sofas, stairway, dining room table and laundry room appliances. The lawsuit also states that the production company "deliberately used her linens...including decorative bedroom pillows."

Bassett claims that as many as 24 porn films were shot at the property in 2015. A lawyer for the adult film company Mile High Distribution says the allegations in the complaint are "unfounded." [CBS News]

What's she more upset about? That someone was filming porn? Or that she has to buy 62 MORE pillows?

Follow Slater on FacebookTwitter and Instagram, and listen live @ Q923.net or with the NEW Q92.3 mobile app!