Their relationship is off to a terrific start. This is 'Crappy News' for Monday, January 22nd.

Tampa, FL- A guy was arrested for DUI at a drive-thru. But it was the wrong drive-thru.

Brand X Pictures

28-year-old Douglas Francisco was driving drunk on Wednesday afternoon when he stopped at a drive-thru to pick up a burrito. Francisco thought he was at Taco Bell, but in actuality, he'd pulled into a Bank of America. The bank manager found him unconscious in the driver's seat. Upon waking up, Francisco asked the manager for a burrito before being told he was at the wrong place.

The manager called police, and Francisco was still in his car when cops arrived. SHOCKINGLY, he failed several sobriety tests and police also found Xanax and Oxycodone in Francisco's possession. [WFTS-TV]

Fresno, CA- A man is making some big changes to his diet, but not for the reasons you may think.

Dr. Kenny Bahn shared a story about a patient he treated last summer.

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A man came to the hospital after he'd gone to the bathroom and found something dangling out of him...you know...DOWN THERE. He pulled and pulled until it came out. "It" wound up being a five-and-a-half foot long TAPEWORM.

The man brought the worm with him to the clinic wrapped around an empty toilet paper roll. The patient claimed that he constantly craved sushi and ate salmon sashimi almost every day. Dr. Bahn said the tapeworm likely came from a piece of sushi the guy had eaten, and the parasite had been growing inside him for at least six months. GAH!

Fortunately, the dude is okay. But he claims he's swearing off sushi for good. [ABC 30 - Fresno]

Reason #217 why I hate sushi.

Lakewood, WA- A woman has been arrested after trying to stab her boyfriend.

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There's a thin line between love and rage. This girl DEFINITELY crossed it.

The 29-year-old woman came home last Friday and wanted to cuddle with her beau, but he wasn't into it. She then tried to kiss him, but he didn't return the favor. So, she did what any emotionally stable person would do and grabbed a knife from the kitchen.

She started to swing it at him, but her boyfriend grasped her wrist, took the knife and threw it into the parking lot of their apartment complex before calling 911. She told cops that she was upset because, quote, "the man is supposed to show his woman love and affection."

She's facing a charge of second-degree assault. [KIRO-TV]

This girl seems like a real bad b*tch. And not in a good way.

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